CHARLOTTE, N.C. — For the very first time, Kelly Weeks, widow of fallen Deputy U.S. Marshal Tommy Weeks, is sharing his story. 

He was one of the four officers shot and killed April 29, while serving a warrant at a Charlotte home. 

Up until this point, Kelly Weeks hasn't granted an interview to local media. In an interview with Spectrum News 1, she opened up about Tommy's life, memories the two shared, the heartbreaking moment she said her final goodbye and the emotional toll she's had to carry since the tragedy.

Each day brings new struggles for Weeks.

“What happens is you look down, and it's like everything's normal. I see my wedding ring. I think I'm going to go home tonight, and he's going to be standing there. Well, that's not true," she said.

"I can live in this fantasy world thinking life is the same and pretend like I'm OK, but I'm not. And so each day I do a little something just to keep myself putting that foot in front of the other. So today was the wedding ring. It was you know, it's a, it's a way of saying, 'I have to close this in and understand that it's OK to do that,'" she said.

Removing her wedding ring is just one of the first steps in trying to help her find closure. Next she said comes buying new bedroom furniture so she can stop sleeping on the couch. She described it as a painful reminder of a space where Tommy’s scent still lingers.

"The best way I described it to someone, is I have to keep taking a step toward my future or I will die in my past," Weeks said.

Her past, more specifically, April 29, the date a convicted felon ambushed her husband and other members of a U.S. Marshals task force there to serve a warrant for possession of a firearm.

Weeks said nothing can prepare you for the tragedy and heartbreak that follows.

"The demons come out at night, and so my dark times are when I go to bed or when it’s dark. It's not when I’m alone, I cannot be alone, it can happen with someone sitting right beside me. It happened at work today. People say, you need to be alone to grieve, you need time to grieve. I don’t agree. I think you’re grieving the entire time,” Weeks said.

Ever since a co-worker reached out when the news first broke, Weeks had worries lingering in her mind.

“One of my co-workers lives in that area and said, 'Kelly, there's something going on down here. And they say the marshal service is involved. Is Tommy there?' And I said, 'you know what? I don't, I don't think so. He's at the range. Let me just check his life 360, because we have life 360. So I looked it up on my 360, and I saw that he was at that address,' and I was like, 'OK.' So then I texted him and said, 'Hey, are you OK? What's going on?' I didn't get a response. And then about 30 minutes later, I got a call that he was at the hospital," Weeks said.

She described the ride as absolute hell.

"It was just 45 minutes of anxiety steroids. It's the only way I can describe it, and you're trying to walk through like, is this happening, denial, is this real? And then we when we get there, and they say he's in surgery, I can remember Tom's immediate words were, he's in surgery. That's good, right? Like he's he's still breathing," she said. "I'd rather know that he had a chance and that God had a different plan.”

In the end, the plan was for Tommy to go with God. Weeks, now living with the loss, recalls how loss brought them together.

“We were in front of a wine store in Mooresville, and I was looking at the store thinking about going in to get some wine. He was standing outside and said he comes here all the time, and I asked ‘what do they have?’ and we started chitchatting, and he said he just came from his mother’s funeral, and it had only been a week. My mother had passed away three years prior. I immediately said, 'I’m so sorry, I know how it feels,' and you automatically jump into this I feel bad for you," Weeks said.

At first she was weary of how perfect the two connected. They shared so much in common, yet were complete strangers. Weeks said his favorite holiday falls on St. Patrick's Day, which is also her birthday. But it didn’t take long for the nerves to subside and their love to grow.

“That day forward we met, and we haven’t separated since. It was like instant connection," Weeks gushed.

The two married not long after, in the backyard of Kelly Weeks' childhood home. She recalls his vows, and the special moments before they said "I do."

“We were down by the water, and he kissed me before he was supposed to, and I said, 'you’re not supposed to do that,' but everybody talked about how happy he was," Weeks said.

The happiness lasted day in and out. Weeks said he would never leave home without a kiss goodbye. Even on the day she didn't realize would be his last.

“He was like, 'I’ll get the groceries, I’ll probably be home a little early,' and our normal hug and love yous. He never left without giving me a kiss and then left for work. It truly was the epitome of a normal day for us," Weeks said.

Unfortunately, it was anything but a normal day following that goodbye. 

On April 29, Thomas Weeks was pronounced dead. Kelly Weeks couldn't see her late husband until he was at the funeral home, dressed and cleaned up from the shooting.

“It was the most emotional moment probably I’ve had. The funeral home let me go in alone. They shut the door. I went up to the casket and fell to the ground. I was an absolute emotional wreck, and I cried and cried," Weeks said.

From the moment she lost her husband, she said her mindset has remained the same: “everything will be OK.”

It's strength she said she found within herself for those around her.

"I went the very next day to see his brothers and sisters at the marshals at the courthouse, and I told them we could see their faces. There's a lot of guilt, survivor's guilt. 'I should have been there.' Why? So that you could be shot. I mean, like all of those questions now. And I said to them that this is a tragedy. And if he had died in a car accident, would you feel guilty? He died in a plane crash. Would you feel guilty now? OK. Well, this is no different. This tragedy is the same. There's no, no one could have changed the outcome," Weeks said. 

While reality sets in, her appreciation for law enforcement makes her feel closer to him.

“It's, I think, it's public knowledge. My husband was the first one to be shot, so they knew they were heading into a bad situation, and they showed up anyways. They knew that they were headed into danger, and they showed up anyways. Some of them were already off duty and showed up anyways," Weeks said.

She said Tommy's death won't be for nothing.

“What I keep saying is I don't want his death just to be another death, another police officer shooting. It can't be. That has to be more," Weeks said.

Weeks said her purpose for life has new meaning, and although she hasn’t figured out exactly what that plan looks like just yet, she said it will revolve around using Tommy’s tragedy for good.

"I think the most important thing is everything's going to be OK. We're going to take care of all the things we need to take care of. We miss you, we love you. And for him to be proud of everything that this country and the people around us are doing to honor him, that tells you that he was important and what he did was important, and that I know he would be worrying about us. I know that. And just to keep reminding him that that we're not going to lay down and play dead, and that we're going to be OK, and that we will figure out how to keep being strong so that our lives continue for him. He would want us to live our lives for him," Weeks said.