As protests continue across country calling into question racial injustice at the hands of police, many officers say they understand the calls for change, some more than others – like Albany's Sadaka Kitonyi.

“I wake up a Black man every single day. Not only that; I then proceed to put on a blue uniform, so I’m getting it from all sides,” says Kitonyi. “There’s no refuge. There’s little to no refuge for a Black officer.”

He says the most difficult day for him has been the first day he returned to work from paternity leave.

“For me, it was that second day of the protests, that Monday. Took a knee. Engaged in conversation. I admitted I was wrong and all that thing, and after all that, I still was attacked,” he said. “Things were thrown at me. I had an M80 thrown at me, cursed at, racial slurs, and I felt betrayal. Maybe we needed to feel this attacked to feel how the other side is feeling day in and day out.”

And right now, it’s hard for Sadaka to not feel stuck in the middle. 

“In all honesty, I’ve been put on the ground by a police officer at gunpoint, stopped walking down the street carrying poker chips. I fit a description,” he said.

“Some people don’t believe in second chances. I believe in second, third, fourth, and fifth chances, that’s how I got where I am today.”

Born and raised in Albany, the son of Kenyan and Filipino immigrants, he sees himself, and all cops, as servants of the people.

“I go out and I stop and check on the businesses and the people and make sure they’re OK.  That’s how I choose to do my job in between answering 911 calls and citizen complaints, so in turn I would say, because I was conforming to the norm of policing 10-12 years ago and I didn’t speak out like I would today, yes, I was part of the problem."

Officer Kintonyi admits being nervous about putting the uniform on for the first time in his 12 years on the force.

“I feel like people are looking at me different; they’re looking at me like shame or 'this guy is evil' or they’re thinking I’m aggressive or 'he’s violent.' That’s not true. It’s a false narrative, at least on my part," said Kintonyi.

He says the past few weeks have been a whirlwind of emotions, but Sedaka says the saving grace of the fear is watching what’s happening across the country and feeling something else he’s never felt.

“I never thought I’d seen anything like this in my life, but I’m glad it’s happening, but I just don’t want to see anyone hurt,” he said.

“I get it and I think a lot of my colleagues do, too. We took an oath. You know you’re going to get attacked for the actions of a few bad apples, so we get it, but we’re humans. I can’t walk away from being a Black man, and I refuse to walk away from a job I have so much love and pride for."