BUFFALO, N.Y. — The sentence handed down to Payton Gendron, the white supremacist who killed 10 Black people and injured three others at a Tops in East Buffalo, doesn’t alleviate the pain for the families impacted.
The sadness and anger they feel is still raw.
While Gendron had some brief moments of seeming regret, for many families it was the chance to confront him and share their stories that had the biggest impact.
“There’s a big difference when your loved one dies because they’re sick, but when someone murders your loved one, that’s a whole different level,” said Barbara Massey Mapps, sister of victim Katherine Massey.
It’s a reality that the families of 10 people – gunned down because of the color of their skin – continue to live in.
“This is what I’ve got left. Some pictures and some necklaces and some memories,” said Wayne Jones, son of victim Celestine Chaney. “He took what I had.”
On Wednesday, they faced the man behind it.
”I don’t want anyone to be inspired by me or what I did,” Gendron said Wednesday.
Sadness and anger boiled to the surface as people confronted him for the first time.
“I feel like it was written for him,” said Deja Brown, daughter of victim Andre Mackniel. “It didn’t seem sincere. It was too short.”
Some are ready to forgive – even if they can’t forget.
Others feel that loss cuts too deep.
“I wanted to choke him until my fingerprints were left on his neck,” said Massey Mapps.
Massey Mapps’ son, Damone, lunged at Gendron in the courtroom.
“He saw me emotional,” said Massey Mapps. "This is the way we were brought up. You hurt one of us, you hurt us all.”
It was a moment that expressed how many of the families felt.
“I was happy to see him scared today,” said Zeneta Everhart, the mother of Zaire Goodman, who was shot by Gendron and survived. “He should be able to feel what those families felt that day when they pointed that gun in their faces.”
With Gendron going away for life, a chapter is closed. But for families, there’s much more work to be done.
“He’s one member and one reflection of this larger piece and I think the focus should be on the individuals who indoctrinated him,” said Simone Crawley, granddaughter of victim Ruth Whitfield.
They want to see change: from gun control to violence on social media, to the plague of white supremacy.
“It is also important that the world knows exactly what led up to May 14 and what the terrorist did,” said Everhart. “We as a country need to hear that out loud. We need to see it. It needs to be a part of the history books.”
“One thing that we can do is start with our circle,” said Michelle Spight, niece of victim Pearl Young and cousin of victim Margus Morrison. “Where you work. Where you go to eat. Start talking about how you’re going to love different. How you’re going to show compassion different. How will you look at white supremacy.”
While the wounds of loss remain open, families continue to use their experience not to fuel hate, but to fuel change and love.
“We always we love each other,” Massey Mapps said. “We stick together. We're there for each other. It's just different because Kat isn’t there.”
The death penalty isn’t on the table for New York state, but it could be for Gendron’s federal case. A decision on that hasn’t been made yet.
While some families said they want him to live and to think of the pain he’s caused every day, others say there shouldn’t be a single extra second spent on him and he should be put to death.