AUSTIN, Texas — Selena Gomez and Mandy Teefey, alongside Solomon Thomas and Dr. Corey Yeager, joined Dr. Jessica Stern at South by Southwest to talk about the importance of mental health and the value of destigmatizing the conventional thoughts behind mental health.
Selena Gomez, alongside her mom, Mandy Teefey, founded Wondermind, the first mental fitness ecosystem. Mandy expressed that for everyone, including Wondermind, “in order to understand how to speak to each other, we need to understand each other.” Understanding and being able to express your feelings are integral in getting the help that you need.
Gomez opened up about her experience with mental health, saying how important it is to know that you may need to hit rock bottom before even realizing that you need to ask for help, but sometimes that’s what’s needed in order to get the help that you need. She said, “You have to be at a place where you can be open to talk about your feelings and do the work.”
Touching on her documentary, "My Mind and Me," she highlighted how tough it really was to release it, how hard it is to watch yourself speak so negatively. She said that over the course of the documentary, she learned how important it is to speak to yourself kindly and positively.
Dr. Corey Yeager is a licensed marriage and family therapist. He recently wrote the book "How Am I Doing? 40 Conversations to Have with Yourself." In the panel, Yeager touched on how, for many people, we are quick to give grace to other people. He emphasized the importance of how “we need to be able to give grace to ourselves, too.”
Yeager touched on the importance of staying present in your life and that “85% of the things we get nervous about have never even happened yet.” In terms of mental health, it’s very easy to focus on the things that could happen or may happen, but there’s no need to stress over it if it hasn’t even happened yet.
Solomon Thomas is a defensive tackle for the New York Jets. He co-founded The Defensive Line after his sister Ella died by suicide. He has continued to be a mental health advocate, and touched on the importance of destigmatizing mental health, especially for men. He said, “being around football players, around other guys and being sensitive and being emotional wasn’t allowed. It wasn’t a safe space, it was rejected.”
Solomon highlighted the importance of therapy, the importance of being able to put your emotions into words. That sometimes “it’s OK to not be OK.” He talked about his personal experience after his sister died by suicide, emphasizing that “I needed to realize that it’s OK to not put all of your highlights on Instagram. I’m supposed to be doing the work to find out how I can be myself again, being able to get to a place where I could talk about my emotions truly changed my life.”
How can you strengthen your mental wellness?
Gomez said that to her dialectical behavior therapy has really impacted her life. She also mentioned that sometimes you have to let yourself feel it.
Teefey said that she really enjoys journaling and creating. Finding something that centers you and that you love doing can really help you strengthen your mental wellness.
Corey Yeager talked about creating a Supreme Court in your life. Three to five people that you are very close to that you know will tell you the truth and support you because when you talk to people, you relieve the pressure that you are feeling. He emphasized how important it is to talk to someone or write down your feelings.
Solomon Thomas said, “therapy saved my life.” People are trained to reflect back to you. Journaling helps relieve the thoughts in your head. Meditation allows you to approach the day how you want to instead of it approaching you. Be off your phone to be present, get some sunlight, get enough sleep. Connectivity and having people around you can help you as well.
Being OK with loneliness
“You need to listen to the loneliness. Put down your phone and the screens away and see if you can find your happiness and yourself,” said Teefey. She went on to say that you won’t be lonely when you are alone. It’s important to have a relationship with yourself, because then it won’t be filled with other people’s agendas.
Yeager added that “your happiness is yours, no one else’s. All healing and happiness comes from within. Therapists can facilitate that, but recognizing that healing and happiness comes from within is very powerful.”
Dr. Stern said, “it will always be uncomfortable before it’s comfortable.” She wants everyone to focus on the three Ws, a wish (something that you wish for yourself ie a goal you would like to set), a wonder (something that you can be curious about, something to ask yourself about), a win (something you’re doing well, something you are proud of).