ROCHESTER, N.Y. — Rochester's record-breaking number of homicides in 2021 has had a major impact on the families of the victims. Especially the parents who lost their child because of someone else's decision to pull the trigger.
The majority of the 80 people killed this year have died from gun violence. That's 80 families now learning how to get through the holidays without their loved ones.
A local mother and her remaining children spoke with Spectrum News 1 about how they've adjusted to celebrating Christmas after their loss
“It’s like he’s here," said Titiana Bogar. "So he gets presents, he gets stocking stuffers, it’s like we just act like he’s here.”
Titiana and her remaining children decorate the home and try to keep as much of their family holiday traditions up as possible, even though it will never be the same.
Ly’saun Curry was 18 years old when he was shot and killed on Trenaman Street in October 2020.
In 2020, Rochester had seen a concerning spike in gun violence, only for it to continue and reach unprecedented levels this year.
The families of this year's violence are now faced with going through the holidays for the first time without their loved ones.
“It just gets hard at times because it’s like you got to not forget but know they’re not going to be here actually on the day,” Bogar said.
This is now Titiana's second Christmas without Ly'saun. She and her family have started a new tradition of dedicating their Christmas tree to him. His favorite colors were orange and black. This year the tree is black and gold for him.
“We made sure this year we got his cross and his ornament put on," said Bogar. "His wings and just different things. And we make sure he’s added to everything that we do.”
“Last year was a little bit tougher because it was so fresh," she added. "It doesn’t get any better. You just try to make sure you don’t make it as if they’re not there because they’re still here regardless.”
His sisters, 14-year-old Estrellita, 16-year-old Omariana, and 20-year-old Ly'Naisha Curry, who is Ly’saun’s twin, reflect on who he was during the holiday season, saying he was the excitement in the house, especially this time of year.
“He always kept everybody on their toes," Ly-Naisha said. "If we ain’t up, he’ll be in my room bothering me like 'Naisha get up, get up, right now. I need you to do this, I need you to do that.' Or he’ll try to convince me to convince mom to get him a certain Christmas gift.”
“Him not being here it feels unreal," said Omariana. "It’s like a dream that you want to wake up from but you react to the reality. We still do things we know he used to like and that he used to look very forward to.”
“Be there for each other," Estrellita said. "Be there when ya’ll need each other…comfort.
They’ve also added another tradition on Christmas day — driving to his gravesite while listening to his favorite songs, including one a friend wrote and dedicated to him.
“Everything that he gets we just take it to the gravesite either on Christmas or after Christmas so that he can have it," said Bogar.
Titiana has a message for other moms and family members preparing for the holiday after losing a loved one to violence.
"It’s going to be tough," Bogar said. "You’re going to shed a lot, a lot, of tears. It’s going to be tears all day. All night. From the beginning to the end. Just know that they’re with you by your side. They’re with you in your heart. It's just really, really hard.”
Titiana Bogar is starting a non-profit to bring together and support the mothers in the Rochester community who have lost their sons to violence.