BUFFALO, N.Y. — One of five students say they’ve been bullied, according to the National Center for Educational Statistics. If you have a young person in your life, you know the trouble extends beyond the classroom.

What You Need To Know

  •  One of five students say they’ve been bullied
  •  Red flags include: mood changes, becoming irritable and not wanting to hang out with friends 
  • Never use the word 'bullied' when having the conversation with your student 

Let’s start with the definition of bullying. Intentional distress. Repeated actions. Power imbalance.

Stephanie Fredrick is the associate director of the Alberti Center for Bullying Abuse Prevention. The center has two aims: to do research and training. Fredrick is a mother of two, so we’re sharing advice from someone who not only studies bullying, but she’s a parent.

She says red flags are:

  1. If your child no longer wants to go to school, when they used to enjoy it.
  2. Has their attitude, mood changed and persisted?
  3. Are they coming home irritable, what about property damage?
  4. No longer wants to hang with friends or do their extracurricular activities.

Fredrick says this isn’t something you should brush off, they have the research to prove it.

“These studies have found that they are much more likely to struggle with mental health concerns later in life," she said. "So they're much more likely to experience anxiety, depression, even suicidal behaviors. These youth often struggle to form positive relationships with others. They also struggle a bit more with things like substance use and are going to struggle a little bit more academically.”

When it comes to starting the conversation, Fredrick suggests the following: pick a time of the day when your kiddo is normally in a good mood and take them to do something fun. She used getting ice cream as an example. Then strike up the conversation. Be gentle with your words. Ask how things are going and point out differences you’d notice in their moods. Avoid the word bullied.

Fredrick says if your child is the one in question, approach the conversation the same way. She says their actions should have a meaningful consequence. Like taking away a device or saving money up to pay for property damage if that was the issue.

A lot of bullies struggle with mental health challenges. Fredrick suggests learning anger management skills, empathy building, and trying to get counseling or therapy.