The use of gender-neutral pronouns or lack thereof is still of source of frustration for the LGBTQ community.
“Even though it’s something that always existed, it’s been in the mainstream recently," says MOCHA Center health educator David Sell.
Every email Sell sends off includes his preferred pronouns. He says we are still a long way from normalizing gender-neutral pronouns and acknowledging those who do not identify as male or female.
“A lot of times people confuse gender expression with gender identity," Sell added.
He says getting it right is as simple as asking these questions:
“Say, ‘Hi, what’s your name? What’s your pronouns?’ ” Sell said.
It was two years ago (2017) that major style guides like the Associated Press and Chicago Manual of Style began allowing the singular use of "they" versus its traditional use as a plural pronoun.
“Let’s say you are a cisgender woman," said Buffalo native and trans man, Victor Morales. "You wouldn’t want someone to call you he/him because that would throw you off.”
Morales notes that some languages like French and Spanish are extremely gendered. It means the majority of terms are identified as masculine or feminine. In recent years the non-binary term Latinx has grown in popularity.
“People who speak other languages aren’t used to that culturally," added Morales.
Organizations like the MOCHA Center, Evergreen Health and the Pride Center have been working to educate the public on gender diversity. Evergreen Health has a resource group solely dedicated to the issue. They and the MOCHA Center issue buttons to engage the community in dialogue about it. Many within the LGBTQ community say they are misgendered on a daily basis.
The 2018 murder of Tonya Harvey, a transgender woman from Buffalo, is still unsolved. Initial reports also identified Harvey as a man. Morales says Harvey's death represents the prevalence of Black trans women who are targeted and killed.
“It’s a slap to the face because oftentimes these murders are motivated by their identity, and so then even in their death to be disrespected is a huge problem. The least we can do is memorialize our people properly," Morales adds.
Gay rights advocates say there are other areas in which society has fallen behind on the use of gender-neutral pronouns. Despite many requests, the 2020 U.S. Census excluded non-binary options for LGBTQ members. Some say this would have been the prime opportunity to collect data on this population, but the Census Bureau has missed the mark.
“It's a small but grand way to make someone’s life way better," said Morales. "There is so much material oppression that people deal with outside of being misgendered on a daily basis; like lack of health care, homelessness and lack of family support . The least we can do is try to have that culture shift and hopefully move beyond using our correct pronouns, but fighting for our rights.”
A spokesperson for the City of Buffalo and Buffalo Police say both will soon implement gender identity and expression and LGBTQ Police Community Interaction training.
They say they've been working with the Pride Center on these initiatives and reforms.
The Pride Center released the following statement to Spectrum News:
"By removing the male and female associations attached to 'he/him' or 'she/her,' gender-neutral pronouns instead include all masculine, feminine and other gender-diverse characteristics. Using 'they/them' as a means for identifying an individual who does not wish to be categorized as male or female is an important step in becoming more inclusive," said Damian Mordecai, executive director of the Pride Center of Western New York. "Our vernacular is evolving as is our acceptance of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, and other gender-diverse individuals. We all must do our part to make sure that people of ever gender feel safe, secure and affirmed."