In Part 3 of "Breaking Point," Geoff Redick meets with experts who say it is on all of us to begin working against child abuse.
GLENS FALLS, N.Y. — It was September, and Shashi Rodriguez was afraid of what she might do to her child.
The 21-year-old single mother had just moved to Glens Falls with her 1-year-old son. They had come from Brooklyn after Shashi left an abusive relationship with the boy's father, and the Department of Social Services had put them up in a home for victims of domestic violence.
Glens Falls was not Shashi's first choice, and although the home was nice, there were problems.
"Coming from a diverse area in Brooklyn, to this area -- it was a shock," she said. "I don't look like I'm from this area. And I've been disrespected because I am African-American."
There was more: Shashi was now living hours away from her mother, the only support she ever had as a single parent. She did not know anyone in Glens Falls. Her son Jayden was nearly all the human contact she had, and he was still in diapers.
"It was to the point where I couldn’t handle being around my child. I couldn’t deal with him," she said. "I was with him all day, every single day. I had nowhere for him to go.
"That’s hard," she continued, "to be 21 years old, in a place where you know no one, and you're trying to raise a child as a single mom. Your mind starts to eat at you."
Shashi Rodriguez was at the breaking point. She could continue taking on more stress, caring for her son alone, trying to make ends meet and stretching herself thin. Or she could reach out for help.
"Shashi called me in tears," remembered Kassia May, the coordinator for Warren County's Healthy Parenting and Mentoring program. "She reached out on her own, and she said, 'I need help. I'm afraid of what I might do.'"
At that time in September, the Warren-Washington Care Center had only just announced its new parenting program. Kassia May had spent the previous two years setting it up, in partnership with the YMCA and the "WAIT House" emergency shelter. State Senator Betty Little (R-Queensbury) had secured a $100,000 grant for the program's first year.
But Shashi Rodriguez was the first person to enter the mentoring program, and she had reached out on her own.
"Something Shashi said that really stuck with me was, 'I just want to learn how to play with my son,'" recalled Kassia. "That joy was taken away from her, because she was with him 24/7. To be able to realize that that's gone to the wayside, it was a huge eye-opener for both of us."
Shashi's success story is not always repeated. Many young parents are in desperate situations with no way out, and react differently to their own breaking points -- sometimes even violently. In 2013, data from New York's Office of Children and Family Services showed that approximately 500 of every 100,000 upstate children had experienced either neglect or abuse at the hands of a parent or caretaker. That’s despite what social services experts call a “rich array" of resources to help young parents cope.
"In the Capital Region, we have child welfare agencies that do prevention work during pregnancy. We have family home visits," said Dr. Mary McCarthy, a director of the School of Social Welfare at the University at Albany. "There are services that help a parent learn to play with their child, and stimulate them."
But what often leads parents to ignore those options, says McCarthy, is fear and shame.
"The public perception is that, if you are reported to a child welfare office, they're going to take your kids," said McCarthy. "That does happen, but it should only be the first step when there is a serious risk of harm to the child. The goal is always, 'services first.'"
The social shame is a tougher nut to crack, so to speak. Think of the last time you commented online, on a news story regarding child abuse or neglect. What part of the story did your comment focus on? Did you call the defendant names, or wish harm upon them?
McCarthy says that we must remember: when we make public statements about child abuse, anyone can see them.
"I like to take a step back and ask, 'What happened in that family’s life over the past few months that led to such a descent?'" she said. "There is a huge story behind each fatal event. There are a million clues. If we had reached out, could that parent have heard it?"
It is part-and-parcel to the approach of New York's anti-child abuse lobbying organization, Prevent Child Abuse NY.
"This work must be done on community level first," said executive director Tim Hathaway. "The struggle that communities and individuals have with child abuse is that they move from being appalled, to being angry, then to hopelessness. They say, ' Well, that's just how things are.'
"We try to move people from hopelessness to real action, to addressing problems," Hathaway said.
Prevent Child Abuse NY staffs a small group of outreach coordinators, who travel across the state and meet with what are called "mandated reporters." Police and schoolteachers primarily fall into this group, meaning that when they see indications of child abuse or neglect, they are legally required to report it to proper authorities. However, Prevent Child Abuse NY takes its outreach a step further, by offering training to community leaders or people in service careers that handle large populations -- anything from bankers to religious ministers.
"Sometimes moving quickly and reporting abuse is the absolute correct answer," said Hathaway. "I think another answer is to go a step beyond that; to engage this family and communicate that 'somebody here really cares about you.'" Hathaway says it can be as simple as inviting a family into a church, or adding a child to a scouting troop or youth sports league.
Both experts say an approach that always emphasizes Child Protective Services first, is unsustainable.
"It's both a strength and a weakness that we've often said, 'CPS can fix this,'" said Mary McCarthy. "Strong families come from strong communities. It’s only through our ability to support our neighbors and offer help, maybe even just bring soup to the family next door -- only then can we lead them to the right social services, and facilitate some help."
When the weight of parenting is left entirely to a young parent, there are essentially two options. The first giving up a newborn for adoption, which can be done above-board or by utilizing the federal Safe Haven law, which allows a young mother to anonymously surrender her baby at a police station, fire station or EMS center. The law requires these agencies to accept a newborn up to thirty days old, with no questions asked.
The second option is to reach out for help. Shashi Rodriguez is thankful that she did. Her son Jayden is now enrolled in a daycare program, and Shashi has been able to return to school, where she is training to become a chef.
"It was the extra push that I needed," she said of the Healthy Parenting and Mentoring program. "It’s a great feeling to know that people care about moms, and know that we need to stay sane in order to care for these beautiful little children."